im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You ate ashes out of my bong
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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