Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
