He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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