The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
