1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
plz talk dirty to me
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
