Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
