which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
