My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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