yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
