My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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