I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
