What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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