dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
