One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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