It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
