He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
