Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
from now on my penis is your penis
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
