Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
