My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
