So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
