I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
