Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
