I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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