My liver just broke up with me...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
