If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
