A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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