You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
