He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
