i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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