just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
