There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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