The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
