I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
