rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
