Can i not drive my cunt home
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
