I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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