It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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