she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
