he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
