i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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