this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
