So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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