oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
