Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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