im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
