You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
