Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
