I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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