last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
