Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
