So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
