We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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